Don’t Be That Guy (or Girl!)

Don’t Be That Guy (or Girl!)

Jul 18

Here at AXIS Flight School, it is our mission to create knowledgeable, well-rounded and aware skydivers. Basically, we train people to be as badass and awesome as humanly possible. We publish lots of articles and tips on how to achieve super-hero status through technical information. But there is that other side of being the coolest person on drop zone that, before now, was the “unwritten” side. The things that many in the ranks of badassness didn’t want you to know. But, at AXIS, we believe in Equal Opportunity Awesomeness. Here are a couple tips for all of you youngsters out there.

To My Dudes

If you are sitting on the airplane and everyone is a guy but one female, and you think you are slick with your demo  helmet, your adjustable main lift web, and your jumpsuit that you just bought off the rack because it fit perfectly, and then you turn to the one chick on the aircraft and you say, “Hey honey, you going to get us extra altitude?” In order to save yourself some embarrassment, make sure that the chick you say this to does not have fill-stitch embroidery of several large manufacturers on her jumpsuit. I’ll give you a hint: That means she is so badass that she is not only sponsored, but she is going to be the person you have to go to when you want to get your sorry-ass stable because you keep going low on all the formations. She is a top Sky Goddess, you douchebag.

How to not be that guy? There is nothing wrong with being a newbie in this sport. However, you must realize when you are a newbie and you must be able to read your audience. Keep quiet, work on your own personal skills and become a top Sky god. When that happens, women will just take their shirts off for you as you walk by. You won’t even have to ask.

To My Ladies

If you met your current boyfriend while you were an AFF student and he was a more experienced jumper or even your instructor, he does not love you. Not even close. The only reason he is going out with you is because you lack the experience in this sport to realize that he is a complete tool who can barely fall stable. He just appears hot because he owns his own gear. Similar to when we were in high school and all the dudes who had a car were hotter than the ones who didn’t. The reason none of the other chicks are with him is because they know he’s a tool. They are sick of dragging his ass across the finish line on every jump they do together. As for your skills, if you think that your skydiving is “coming along” because he is giving you free coaching, then you are on the path to becoming an even bigger tool than he is. The good coaches in this sport do not give their knowledge away for free. Coaching is how they make their living. They do not need to trade coaching for nookie because all the chicks want them anyway because they have already achieved rock-star status. Also, I guarantee he will not teach you anything that will make you more badass than he is; his ego could not take it. Basically, the moral of the story is that you are being played, yo. Drop his ass like third period French, get proper coaching, and begin a new path to becoming the next Sky Goddess in a fill-stitch embroidered, sponsored suit.

The most critical thing is to avoid acting like a sky god before you have reached sky godliness. It is not about staying humble. Fuck that. Have an ego. It is about knowing when and how to show that ego. Keep your head low. Get awesome. Then take another struggling fledgling under your wing and spread the knowledge. AXIS Flight School. Peace.

By Brianne Thompson of Axis Flight School, reprinted from Blue Skies Mag with permission.

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